oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
