The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
