Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
