I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
