you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
