cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
