he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
