isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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