Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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