When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
