I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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