it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
