Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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