Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
