The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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