I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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