Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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