Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
pop tarts are not kleenex
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
