so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
