I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
