my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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