I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
