So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
