BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancรฉ. You're invited to the wedding.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
