I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dick very happy bro
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
