i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
