mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
