Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
