Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yo dont text me then not text me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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