I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
