I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
