Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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