so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
