i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
