I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
