i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
