I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
