I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
