Please, let me fuck your mom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
