I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
