Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
