FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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