I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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