Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
