there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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