How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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