I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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