It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
