Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
