Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
