they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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