He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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