I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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