alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
