She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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